Heartbroken
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: That's my husband in there, locked inside that small space. Slowly being buried in the ground.. that's my husband. What do you do when the love of your life is taken from you so suddenly? How are you supposed to life without him? Is it even possible?
1. The Funeral

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I knew that. **

**~ Chapter One ~ **

**~ "You never know what you had until you lose it." ~**

The weather had a way of fitting the mood perfectly, those who attended the funeral that day would think about how the delicate drops of snow that fell around them would always stick in their minds, the way the whole thing seemed to fit so perfectly.

The snow fell quickly around everyone, coating the ground instantaneously as everyone carried on walking towards the church in front of them. Their footsteps made marks in the white blanket, but the snow carried on falling and before anyone knew it, any trace of their steps had been covered.

There was one girl who hung behind everyone else, tears falling down her face softly as she looked down at the ground, wishing she could bury herself in the snow and hide away from the whole world. She bit down on her lower lip as she tried to take one step forward, telling herself it was only a few more steps until she was in the warm church but for some reason, she couldn't bare to move.

Her body trembled as she placed one foot in front of the other as slowly as she possibly could, hoping that maybe if she took long enough then she wouldn't have to go in there and this whole day would be one huge nightmare.

The tears started to fall heavier and heavier as she placed her foot in front of her once more, the church was only a step away now and then it would be true, she wouldn't be able to deny it anymore.

She looked around her, wrapping her arms around herself before collapsing onto her knees, hot, heavy tears ran down her ashen face, carving their way down as her chest ached with loud, heartbreaking sobs that she finally let out. Her hand clutched at her top as she tried to stop it from hurting, as she tried her best to stop the pain but nothing could work – he was gone, and that was it.

She wanted to curl up and die right there and then, wanting the snow to just cover her like a huge blanket, suffocating her so she could join him. She shook her head at the thought though, she had people that loved her, she had people who cared about her – she wouldn't be able to leave them.

She heaved a deep sigh as someone put their hand on her shoulder, looking up at the man as he smiled weakly at her before grabbing her hand to help her up. She muttered a thank you, not knowing what else to say to someone she had hardly spoken to before all of this happened.

She nodded at him as she inhaled sharply, biting down hard on her lower lip as she closed her eyes for a second and took that final step. The warm air hit her immediately, shocking her a little as she longed to be in the cold, she felt closer to him out there. She shook it off though, he would have wanted her here.

Her legs shook as she walked down the long isle, sitting away from everyone else as she wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees when she sat down. She wanted to close her eyes and think about something else, anything else, she wanted to remember the time they argued, she wanted relive the memory of him telling her he loved her, she wanted to recall the time when he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him and she wanted to treasure their wedding day for as long as she possibly could.

Her eyes trailed down to the front, where she should be sitting but she couldn't bare to be _that _close to the coffin, to his cold, _dead _body. She shuddered at the thought, it was safe over here, close enough to know what was going on but far enough to not be able to feel him laying in that box.

She didn't dare move throughout the whole service, staring blankly ahead of her as she rocked herself back and forth slightly, listening to the words but never really hearing them until her name was being called.

Her heart started to beat louder and louder until she was sure everyone else could hear it thumping against her chest, tears glazed her eyes as she shook her head. She gulped a little when a familiar blonde girl walked over to her, taking her friends hand in hers and helping her up – both of them knew she had to do this.

Tears flowed down her face as she walked down the isle, remembering all too well the last time she had been here – her wedding day. She looked around, it would never be the church in which she had the happiest day of her life, it was now the church where all her nightmares had come true.

Her lip trembled as she turned to face everyone, clearing her throat, she shut her eyes for a small moment, not wanting to look at all those faces staring back at her – the faces of people who loved him and people he loved back, the faces of his friends and family, the faces of people he had spoken to and laughed with, the faces of those connected with him, all of them a small piece of his life.

She knew her voice too well, she knew that as soon as she spoke all the control she had at the moment would break and she would breakdown in front of everyone. But she knew she had to do this, if not for herself, then for _him. _

"I-I..." She trailed off, a small blush creeping onto her cheeks as she stuttered over her first words, tears now falling freely down her face, dripping onto the stand in front of her, "I don't really have anything planned to say to you all..." She gulped,

"I-I l-loved him so much.. too much some of you might say... he-he was everything to me, he was my world.. the only constant in my life and I r-really don't know how to cope without him." She turned to face that dreaded box, knowing that the love of her life was in there,

"I actually hated him when we first met but even then there was something there.. something between us that I can't even being to explain. But, I just felt d-drawn to him, I needed him there next to me.. I relied on our daily arguments.. I think I loved him even back then..." She paused, taking a moment to look around at the swarm of faces, all staring at her, some sobbed, some cried onto the persons next to them shoulder, others stared at her with tears running down their pale faces.

"We only got married two years ago but to us.. it felt like a lifetime... we loved each other so much, we knew everything about the other and.. it was perfect. We would still have our daily arguments, they were kind of our thing..." She laughed a little, shaking her head before looking down at the floor,

"I can't even begin to tell you what I will miss about him the most but I will miss everything he ever did for me.. I will miss the way he would hold me when I cried, I will miss the way I would wake up in the morning and find him staring at me, I miss the way he would get me anything I wanted, even if I begged him not to.. I will miss the way he would kiss me whenever he could... but most of all I will miss the way he loved me." She took a deep breath, tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke,

"I didn't think finding a love like that would be possible but he proved me wrong in every single way and I have no idea what I am going to do without him... I don't think there is a life without him if I'm honest... I just... I-I miss him so much that it hurts, I close my eyes every night and I see him there and I just want to stay with him, I would do anything to go back and make sure I knew what was going on... I would do anything to bring him back to me.." She put her hand over her mouth as her friend quickly stood up to wrap her arms around her shaking body, soothing her quietly as they walked back to her seat.

The woman shook as she sobbed quietly, gripping onto her friend as though she was a lifeline, reminding her that life went on, life carried on and on, it doesn't matter who dies – even if it's the love of your entire life – people move on and they expect you to do the same. But how could she, when there was no need to anymore?

It wasn't long before she found herself standing outside once more, the snow falling down as she wrapped her arms around herself, pretending it was him for a second before she saw the coffin, a lone tear fell down her face as it was lowered into the newly dug hole in the ground, bumping against the sides a little before finally landing on the ground with a large thump.

She jumped at the sound, gulping a little as she dug her nails into her skin, wanting to be able to feel something other than the heartbreak she could feel right then. The snow carried on falling, coating the white coffin with an extra later of pure white, just another blanket to keep the person inside a little safer.

She could hear people crying once more as soon as the coffin had hit the ground, she stared down at the box for a little while half expecting the person to jump out and tell them it was all a horrible joke, and then she would hit him and tell him how much she hated him. It would take a week or so but she would forgive him. She would rather that happen at the moment, wanting it to be one sick joke instead of the real thing.

After a little while she watched as people started to leave, some leaning down to place a flower onto the coffin, while others chucked a small amount of dirt onto the perfect blanched surface.

But she stayed, despite the snow, the harsh wind and the bitter cold, she stayed there and stared down at the hole, wondering what he looked like in there, if there would be any sign of the handsome man he once was.

_That's my husband in there, locked inside that small space without a mirror. Slowly being buried in the ground.. that's my husband. _

She felt someone walk up behind her, putting a hand on her shaking shoulder, she looked behind her and nodded at the person, "Come on, let's go get you into the warm." She nodded, biting down on her lip as the man wrapped his arm around her waist and led her over to the cars.

"Thanks Nico." She whispered as he helped her into the car, nodding at his friend as he climbed in after her. She put her head on his shoulder as they drove away, looking back at the hole as tears streamed down her face, she wondered for a moment if the pain would ever stop, if the tears would ever stop falling or if her heart would ever heal. Then again, she thought, probably not.

**A/N: Not sure if this is worth carrying on, I have major ideas for this story but I don't seem to be getting many readers lately, I think you're all going off me. XD But yeah, please read and review and let me know what you think. **


	2. Nightmares

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Two ~ **

**~ "And as hard as I try, I don't think I can go on without you." ~ **

Love is one of the most powerful emotions a human being can experience, it can make you feel happy but can kill you at the same time. Love is hard to accept sometimes, how are you supposed to know if you really love someone? How are you supposed to tell them? How do you show them?

Love hurts at the best of times, but when that one person you love more than anything or anyone else in the whole word dies, it just feels as though everything is wrong, nothing is worth living for anymore and no matter how hard those left behind try, you can't see any reason as to why you should stay alive.. without him.

Those were the thoughts running through Sonny Cooper's mind that evening as she held her wedding album close to her chest, heartbroken sobs finding their way to her throat, echoing through the large house. Hot tears scorched her skin, the pain in her chest was the only thing reminding her that she was still there, she was still alive.

She sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes as the album dropped the floor, running into the sitting room towards the phone. She smiled a little as she dropped down to her knees, pressing messages as she put her head on the wall, smiling as she heard his voice finally.

She had almost forgotten about the message, he had been late home from filming and he wanted to make sure that she was going to be okay, five hours later he was dead...

"_Hey Sonshine Cooper, I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be a little late home tonight. I just wanted to make sure that the two of you were okay, say hello to baby Cooper for me. I love you so much, never forget that, I love you both. See you soon, miss you. _

She put her hand over her mouth as she screamed, tears falling heavily down her face now as she rocked herself back and forth, moving to wrap her arms around herself, pretending that Chad was there next to her, "Chad..." She whispered, putting her hand on her stomach as she felt a small kick and shaking her head.

She reached up to the phone, putting the message on repeat as she lay down on the wooden floor, her hand still on her stomach as she closed her eyes, listening to the sound of his voice over and over again.

"Come back." She sobbed as the message ended, beeping before starting up again, "You promised..." She whispered, "You promised you would never leave me."

She felt another kick, ignoring it as she removed her hand from her stomach quickly as though it had given her an electric shock, opening her eyes to look at her small bump. It was just another harsh reminder of what Chad had left behind, it was another way to hurt her more and more every single day.

"How am I supposed to do this without you? How am I supposed to tell her that you loved her when you're not here?" She bit down on her lip, wishing he could answer her as his message played once more. She sat up suddenly, moving over to the sofa before closing her eyes and falling asleep, smiling as she heard his voice again and again, it was like he was still here... for now.

"_I am sorry Mrs Cooper, but your husband was involved in a head on collision earlier this evening." _

She woke up, sweating and shaking as she remembered that evening, she wanted to scream again as the words wouldn't leave her mind, bouncing back and forth as they echoed, not leaving her alone.

"Please," She whimpered, "Please stop." She clutched at her head, curling herself up in a ball as fresh tears fell down her face. Her face was considerably paler as she thought about that night, she remembered thinking that it wasn't fair, he had never done anything wrong, she had loved him.

She was only twenty but already she was a widow, a single parent... life was too difficult already. Why did he have to work late on that one particular night? Why did he have to leave her? Why couldn't he have said no? Why did he have to do this to her? Why?

She stood up, her legs shaking as she turned of the repetitive message, missing the sound of his voice as soon as she did. The house felt cold and empty as she slowly walked through it, not understanding how she could be expected to live without the love of her life.

She walked into the kitchen, picking up a knife as she stumbled back into a wall, she thought about it for a second, what it would feel like, would she be able to hold him in her arms again? Would she be free from all the pain? Would it all be okay?

She wanted to say there was a reason to not do it, but she couldn't think of one. The child inside of her would only bring her more pain, looking into her beautiful blue eyes, her perfect blonde hair... it would all be too much.

Her friends.. they were important but were they enough to make her live? She shook her head at the thought, they had been there for her throughout everything but it didn't mean much, they had their own lives to get on with, they had people they loved.. they all had the love of their lives still with them.

Her job.. that was nothing important anymore, she couldn't act at all at the moment. Speaking reminded her of him, a script would bring tears to her eyes because it was just another memory of him, even breathing would remind her. She just wanted a sign, anything to tell her that she had to live.. but nothing came to mind.

"Why?" She screamed into the empty house, dropping the knife as she fell onto her knees, her fingers curling around her hair as she looked up at the ceiling, "Why him? Why did you have to take him away from me? Why did you have to murder him?" She spoke to a God she had never been able to believe in, believing he was cruel even when she was little. To her, that was all God had ever done to her – taken away people she loved.

"I hate you!" She screeched, standing up and chucking everything she could off the counters, screaming as she did so, tears running down her face as she collapsed. "Chad! Come back! Come back..." She bit down on her lip, putting her hand on her stomach as she curled up in a tiny ball, willing her husband to just come home and wake her up from the nightmare she was having.

She convinced herself that this was all it was – a nightmare, because surely life wasn't this cruel, was it?


	3. Hello

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Three ~ **

She opened her eyes the next morning, standing up to walk into the living room and sit down on the sofa. She smiled as she remembered all those times she would sit on the sofa and cuddle up to her husband, the time she would kiss her gently on the forehead and let her know how much he loved her.

She could never forget the time when she took his hands in hers and told him she was pregnant, it was in this very room and he had picked her up and turned some music on before dancing around the whole house.

She had always found herself wondering how she had deserved such an amazing man, the way he loved her made her feel so happy, it made her feel at home.. like she was safe all the time whenever he held her in his muscular arms, whenever he kissed her, whenever he told her he loved her.. it was so natural, yet so amazing.

She turned the television on, a small smile playing on her lips when MacKenzie Falls came onto the screen, _'Tensions rise' _She laughed, tears falling from her eyes as she held a cushion close to her chest,

"Chad." She whispered as his face came onto the screen, her heart skipped a few beats as he looked at her, winking and smiling, his voice sent tingles through her body as she longed to have him next to her and touch her once more, but he wasn't there – all she had left were old re-runs and memories. Were they even enough?

Her hand trailed down to her stomach and a twinge ran through her whole body, she knew that it was possible to move on, but she didn't even think she could imagine a life without him. How was she expected to go on living without the love of her life? How was she supposed to move on when she didn't know how to?

She felt a small kick and she smiled, tracing small circles on her stomach as she thought about the small child growing inside of her, "I am going to love you so much, I am going to love you enough for the both of us." She whispered as she looked at a photograph of her and Chad on their wedding day.

She bit down on her lip when she heard someone walk through the front door, already knowing who it was from the sound of their heels, "Sonny?" Her voice echoed through the large house, bouncing off the walls and hitting Sonny's ears as she sat there, not moving as she stared at the smile that had been on her face on possibly the best day of her entire life. She wondered if she was ever going to be that happy again, but decided on the fact that it was impossible to feel like that more than once and with more than one man.

"Sonny?" She couldn't move as she found herself lost in his deep blue eyes as she had done so many times before, when he was alive.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." Tawni bit down on her lip as she found her best friend, wrapping her arms around the shaking girl and smoothing down her long, brown hair as she soothed her.

"I don't know what to do."

"You're going to move on, you will never forget him but you're going to be able to do this." Tawni whispered, rocking the girl back and forth as a lone tear fell down her face,

"I don't know how to move on."

"You will find a way, I think this baby is going to help." Tawni put her own hand on top of Sonny's, smiling at her as she looked down at her own stomach, hers was bigger than Sonny's as she admired her own bump,

"Your baby has a father." Sonny muttered bitterly, thinking about how happy Tawni and Nico were going to be for the rest of their lives.

"I know, but look at me.." She turned Sonny took look at her, shaking her head,

"You need to take all that love you have for Chad and give it all to this baby – it will be enough, and no matter what, you're always going to have us, always."

"Promise?"

"I promise.. you just need to move on, Chad would want you to be happy, he would want to see you smile and laugh, he wouldn't want this."

"I just don't want to say goodbye."

"You will never have to say goodbye, just.. hello.. to a new generation of Coopers." She pointed at her stomach,

"Yeah, you're right." Sonny smiled, the first proper smile in a long time as she turned back to MacKenzie Falls.

"You're going to be fine." Tawni murmured as Sonny put her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes,

_'"Cause every hello, ends with a goodbye." _

**A/N: The end of my amazing three shot, I think it may be the shortest story ever by me. **


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